How was your Monday? :D
I am having a horrid Monday given that most of the day I have been worried sick about my final IGCSE result which comes out tomorrow!
Now, honestly, I have expectations of getting a distinction (5 As and no more than 2 Cs) which I did get during my mock exams but the anxiety of a new examiner checking the tests is enough to get me scared. A minute before I posted this, I was sitting, stuffing myself with chocolate and wondering why this result means so much to me and why I have let the thought of it spoil my day.
Why is it so essential to categorize or define excellence or hard work? I am well aware that hard work does not always pay off. Sometimes someone works twice as hard as somebody else and still does not get due recognition. It isn’t fair, right? But then, life isn’t always fair. Regarding my worries of tomorrow’s result, many of my friends have said, ‘Don’t worry, what’s done is done, you worrying wouldn’t change it.’ And no matter how much I try, this isn’t comforting me as much as I would like it too. The fear of failure and disappointment is greater than ever before and this is the time where I wish rather desperately for the power to stop time. Right now it seems like my entire life depends on the result tomorrow even though I know it doesn’t. Sometimes it seems stupid to me, the idea of controlled education. It rips you of chances to learn beyond books in the classroom no matter how much you try to incorporate elements of it. Sometimes I wish I could learn everything by experience, but then again, the world isn’t a wish granting factory. So, before I babble any further about my fear, I think I should just make a promise to myself which I will hold on to no matter what –
I promise no matter what comes out as result tomorrow, bad or not as good as expected, I will not let it do anything more than motivate me to work harder and become better because there is always scope for improvement.
So that’s it’s for today, my day has been consumed by my worries of tomorrow’s result. I’m going to go and try to make myself happy with some food because food is always there, no matter what. :’)
Have you guys ever felt this scared of failure? Do you have any words of advice that you would have given to your sixteen year old self? I’m hoping those words will bring me some much needed comfort and calm.
Love you all,
Until next time x