This one word sends cringe waves up my spine given the control freak nature of mine. I absolutely hate not knowing what’s going to happen or not being able to anticipate something that might happen in the future.
There are many a worlds I’ve immersed myself into in the hopes of finding a speck of what my future might be like but to fail. Tarot, horoscopes, palm reading and all that jazz; at the end of the day no matter how much I relate to it my inner voice just tells me, ‘It’s not true, it’s all bull.’ because if it was, we all would be everything we’d ever dreamt of being and we would all have this mess of a life figured out.
In general, I’m a happy person. I enjoy my time with popcorn & Netflix (or pizza or anything I can call up), the playlists that speak to every mood I can possibly have from thug to sappy (Hi, Taylor!) or perhaps just endless number of Buzzfeed quizzes and posts which are enough to make me feel super random but engaged. I don’t fear seclusion and sometimes, I’d rather be secluded than be in a group of chattering humans. BUT (yes, the big BUT), all this alone time does lead to me thinking and pondering over the uncertain a lot more than what I think is okay enough for me to not go insane and wandering off on tangents unexplored or related to the original thought.
Will I get into a good college?
Is this relationship going anywhere or am I just wasting my time?
How much will I score on my Extended Essay?
Will I grow any taller?
Should I order McDonald’s tonight and feel guilty as hell tomorrow morning?
So, yes, Buzzfeed & Netflix, as amazing a distraction as you prove to be, sometimes, you don’t help me in any way at all. Unfortunately.
So? How will I deal with uncertainty clouding my life just as it does for everyone else’s?
I’m not sure, it’s quite uncertain.