I’m a control freak and having no control drives me up the wall. I accept it, I recognize it.
Up until now, I have been someone who’s either had control of life or safe guarded it if it seemed to be threatened in any way whatsoever. My control loving nature is the reason I’m scared of sitting in flights; it is the sole reason I seem to make plans and always pinch them to the limit of squeezing out any space for unpredictability that might still exist. My control obsessed nature is the reason I hate when plans change or when things do not go my way. I accept it.
Up until now, life, as I knew it, had been good to me. It allowed me to do what I wished and so like a spoilt brat I imagined myself to be this super sorted person who seemed to have it all “under control”.
However, life is similar to a trek up a beautiful mountain full of uncharted dangers and risks and well, let’s just say, finally a rock found itself bang in the middle of my beautiful, clear, self made route.
Cursed it all I wanted and threw a thousand tantrums because if you’re a control obsessed person like me you’d understand how it feels to lose it. Nevertheless, given that I’m blessed with smarter and wiser people in my life, I was pushed to finally grow up, suck it up and well, face the lights. How could I miss out on this? Did I really think that I could carry on being the boss of my life? Na uh.
So, I gave up control on my life and now the only control I have is over my heart and my mind; over my emotions and my mindset. I think positive so I feel positive, I think optimistic so I feel like I can achieve anything I put myself to, I think confidently of myself and so I feel like yes, whatever I deserve I will achieve one way or another.
And so, by far, life’s been easier and here, I’m still alive.