It’s been a while since I poured my heart out thanks to all the commitments that keep me on my toes at all times. From school to my internships to my friends to my family; I barely find time for myself. I’ve lost so much of my zeal that now all I want is for someone to swing into my life and make a huge difference. I want someone to barge in and wake me up. I want someone to go against the gradient.
I’m so numbed into this routine, so enmeshed in the way things are working that things that would’ve once shook me up, fail to get even the slightest reaction. In this mechanical and organised routine, I’ve lost the ability to go with what I feel and am mostly following my mind.
I have very few words to say or to write or to even think. I’m waiting for that one big thing that will shake me out of my shoes and rebel against me. There is so much going on in my life that is a challenge for me because its the hardest things I wanted never to go through again and yet I’m finding myself stoically marching through them all without stopping for a single second to really think about whats going on.There is so much that I’m feeling that I’m finding hard to address, so many people I want to keep but I’m finding it hard to ask them to stay only because – lazy? tired? maybe both? or perhaps, just stuck.
This is perhaps the calmest I’ve ever been but also the least ME I’ve ever been.